Winter – 24/09/20
- Although the poem developed a lot since this first draft and is almost a completely separate poem, I thought I would include it as I did build the later drafts upon the same idea and themes as this original draft.
Winter
Sits at the mouth of the cave,
Spinning a web,
Waiting,
To catch a wandering grass-seed,
Coaxed on by Autumn’s wind.
- although I liked the imagery in this poem, I felt that it was a little clichéd with the idea of the grass-seed blowing in the wind, however I really liked the personification of winter as a spider-like creature
Winter – 23/11/20
Winter sits
at the mouth of the cave.
Wasps with barbed-wire stings huddle in their comb.
I watch, from the
Candle-scented,
Stove-flickered,
Room,
As a burnt leaf flakes to the ground.
The impact of a thick, fluid clump,
Knocking on the forest door.
Leaves crack, split, sizzle
Quick cold as the sun’s wick burns out.
My soft, white coat is waiting
On the hook.
I run, to the
Must-filled,
Rain-dampened,
Wood,
Where there is no one
and nothing, but wet leaves on my shoes.
And I am there to see if the tree falls,
No one else will dare to look;
Winter has scared them away.
- Going into the second draft I noticed that I had talked about a single leaf and then discussed leaves again a couple of lines later. I felt that I should combine the two, as it felt a little disconnected to me. I also removed the line ‘Wasps with barbed wire stings …’ because I experimented with the line in several poems and decided to use it as a haiku instead. I also felt that it didn’t really fit with the poem as it then felt like more of a list of images.
- I received feedback which said that I should take away the verb ‘to be’ and make my verbs more active, so in the second stanza I adapted ‘there is no one’ to ‘no one wanders’ – this is an aspect of my poetry that I have noticed more in editing after receiving this advice and so I will be aware of when I write future drafts
2nd draft
- (I had two ideas for the second stanza that I was trying to decide between, I also experimented with the layout of the stanzas to see if it fit better, but I changed this again in the final draft)
Winter sits
at the mouth of the cave.
I watch from the
Candle-scented,
Stove-flickered
Room
As burnt leaves crack, split, sizzle,
Flake to the ground.
The impact of the rain,
Knocking on the forest door.
Quick cold as the sun’s wick burns out.
I watch from the
Candle-scented,
Stove-flickered
Room
As burnt leaves
Flake to the ground.
The impact of the rain,
Knocking on the forest door.
They crack, split, sizzle,
Quick cold as the sun’s wick burns out.
My soft, white coat is waiting
On the hook.
I run, to the
Must-filled,
Rain-dampened
Wood,
Where no one wanders
and nothing squeaks
but the wet leaves on my shoes.
And I am there to see if the tree falls,
No one else will dare to look.
Winter has scared them away.
- When editing this draft I looked intently at the first line and whether to remove it or not, however, I like the cyclical structure it makes with the end line and I also feel that it introduces the setting of the poem nicely, so I ultimately decided to keep it in.
Final Draft (08/12/20)
Winter
Winter sits
At the mouth of the cave.
I watch from a
Candle-scented,
Stove-flickered
Room,
As burnt leaves
Flake to the ground.
The impact of the rain,
Knocking on the forest door.
They crack, split, sizzle
Quick cold as the sun’s wick
Burns out.
My soft, white coat is waiting
On the hook.
I run to the
Must-filled,
Rain-dampened
Wood,
Where no one wanders
And nothing squeaks
But the wet leaves on my shoes.
And I am there to see if the tree falls.
No one else will dare to look;
Winter has scared them away.
- This poem was largely inspired by the forest walks I took during the first lockdown. It connects well with Longing for Outside, on account of its contrast between cosy indoors and cold outside, and I am pleased with my use of imagery and sound effects.
Half Agony, Half Hope 
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