Half Agony, Half Hope

Wasps – 1st draft – 11/11/20

Wasps with barbed-wire stings

       Huddle in their comb,

              Waiting out Winter.

• Although this is the first official draft of this poem, it originally started out as a line in my collection of lines on the theme of Winter approaching/rainy summer days. I then tested it out in a couple of different poems but it always stuck out as a particularly interesting image and didn’t seem to fit well within other poems. I also liked the idea of having a shorter poem to create some variety within my compilation.
• I received feedback on this draft saying that in order to be a haiku it needed 7 syllables in the second line. I think I had just glossed over this when writing the poem somehow, so I fixed this in the edit.

2nd Draft

• In this draft I went against the haiku format to expand the poem a little. I experimented with the penultimate line, also trying ‘Watching it wash away’ which felt a bit too clunky. On second read I realised that I had lost the meaning of the poem, since the wasps are meant to be hiding away from winter, but the last line, ‘Summer’s sticky heat’, implies that they are grateful for winter. I also think that the haiku form is more impactful so I returned to that in my final draft.

Final Draft (04/12/20):

• With the final draft I added the word quiet to the second line. I think this has a significant impact on the poem as I also added extra space either side of the word to not only emphasise it but also enact the silence of the wasps in the comb. The poem is meant to represent how winter can be more enjoyable than summer, because of the peace and isolation it brings, since creatures like wasps aren’t around to harm you.
• I experimented with the last line, changing it back and forth to ‘Waiting Winter out’, however I felt that this order was more effective, as not only does it place winter in the more emphatic position, it also balances the alliteration nicely and enacts the waiting in two ways, as you are delayed in physically reading the word ‘Winter’ and you are then left with the word ‘winter’ lingering.