Half Agony, Half Hope

1st Draft

When editing the first draft I thought it was important to remove/edit the clichéd lines such as ‘sun-kissed’ , ‘field of daisies’, or the image of the candle and snuffer. I also wanted to use the layout to enact the content more, which I achieved by moving the ‘field’ to the other side of the page. I also made the gaps between lines etc. mirror a partially blocked path or a bush with small gaps that you can peek through. I further added to the end of the poem as it didn’t feel finished.

2nd Draft

*The Yellow highlighted section shows the different options I was playing with for the same line

I received feedback on this draft suggesting that I alter the beginning of the poem as it is a slightly clichéd idea. I also felt that the repetitive use of ‘-ing’ words felt a little clunky, so I changed this going into the third draft. I also made the ‘Ploughed field’ section square against the other edge of the poem in order to mirror the perfection described.

Final Draft

Before my final submission I did edit this poem slightly, but the only change was that the semi-colon after ‘bushier’ became a full stop, because I felt that the unit of sense ended there, before a new one begins in the questions, rather than leading the sentence on.